Texas for dummies.

Well, I'm pretty far behind and don't feel like taking 6 hours to write down every detail, so I'm just going to give you a sort of guide to get through Texas.

Day 31 through 42:

After the gun shooting incident, I'm starting to understand Texas:

Everyone is proud of their God given right to own guns here.

Why call the cops when you can just solve the problem yourself?

As always, though, there's so much beauty in this state.

Almost got run over trying to get across this bridge. Fuck cyclists hogging the white line, right?

Truth be told, Jerome and I feel safer in the country than we do in the bigger cities. Cars typically give more respect on the open road. Another thing we've been noticing, Texans love their adult beverages.

Ask for it a la mode and you get a shot of whiskey on the side.

Once you start getting out of the Bumblefuck desert part and into hill country, things start gettin pretty purty.

The "leaf peepers" start coming out to hill country around this time of year.

There's plenty of God in this country, and everyone seems to sport their Jesus proudly round these parts.

If you look close, it looks like the guy is getting impaled by a cross. (Thought you'd like that one, Kim)

Sometimes the road is consumed by a lazy river.

Risking our lives through 6 inches of running water.

So what do you do when life hands you lemons?

Ruin the water source for every living creature.

Another thing about Texas, there's no shortage of roadkill out here. And you usually smell it before you see it, but once in a while you find an anomaly.

This guy got powderized.

And sometimes you find aminals that you've only read about in smart folk books!

I thought about rubbing my face in it to confirm if it was a porcupine, but decided i didn't want to get sweat all over it.

Some Texans get really proud of the animals they've run over.

Who knew they'd all become bffs?!

And some Texans want to get a better view of new potential roadkill.

I think I understand how this car crash landed here...

But enough about roadkill, back to hill country. The hills in hill country are nothing to scoff at. There's a reason why the call it what it is. Sometimes old men have to be proud about not cheating (*cough* hitchhiking *cough*) to get over them.

I've decided Jerome is way cooler than me for doing this ride at the age of 65.

Again, the beauty of hill country can't easily be put into words.

Green water... Looks like my foot poison is traveling.

Maybe I've got one word to eloquently encapsulate the pristine pulchritude of the landscape.

Fuck.

If you need a chance to rest your eye balls from all the beauty they've absorbed, there are plenty of niche cabins you can rent in hill country.

The owner; a fellow roadkiller.

Or, if you get tired of all the trees, you can check out some sweet rocks/strata instead.

These layers and layers of stratum go back at least 6000 years.

You may also go through one of my personal favorite things in the world;

Tree tunnels.

Once in a while you'll come across small towns that show strange displays of dominance.

Every boot had a foot inside it. They weren't going to let anyone spread foot poison (a serious issue in Texas).

But don't let it discourage you. Plenty of animals have, and will, survive the great foot blight.

This farmer's harem of goats is patiently awaiting him.

As we got closer to Austin, I learned one of the laws of the land.

Every three person crew has to consist of a blonde, brunette, and redhead. Butt licking is optional.

And armadillos sometimes grow as big as fences.

I hope none of those damn TARKs (Texas Association of Road Killers) find this guy...

If you roll through a town named Sandy, make sure to let your Jerome demonstrate his love for his significant other (appropriately named Sandy).

He tried to climb the pole, and quickly said, "I'm too old for this shit."

Once you finally decide to roll in to Austin, make sure to go out with some locals and drink lots and lots of Lone Star beer. It's known for being made with foot poison water, and it'll probably give you the worst hangover of your life, but when in Rome, do as the Romans do. On your walk home at 2am, make sure to respectfully appreciate the fucking weird local art.

Umm... Cute?

When you finally decide to leave Austin, make sure you're still hungover and only take a picture of a bridge.

Texas is an interesting place. I hope this guide helps you appreciate it's weirdness.